The Centre for Natural Burial

Idea of being laid to rest in natural burial cemetery very appealing

By Anne Finlay-Stewart, Sun Times

When I read about the proposal for a natural burial cemetery near Paisley I knew that the time had come to write the column I’d been thinking about all winter. Now that the crocus and forsythia buds are out, life is making itself clearly known and I can talk about death.

Everyone’s feelings about dying and death and “arrangements” are different and very personal, and I would not for a moment second-guess anyone else’s choices.

I was holding both my mother’s and my father’s hand at the moment of their deaths and for me that was an immense blessing and privilege. My sister wanted to say her good-byes and not be present for the end, and she too had that privilege.

I did not want to spend nights sleeping in a hospital chair, never sure when it would be a good time to go home for a shower, so being able to keep my mother at our home for her last few weeks was very important to me. I asked my son Andrew, then nine, if he was OK with grandma dying in our home. With his usual wisdom he said “I wish she weren’t dying, but since she is, I think this is a good place for her.”

My father too, died in his own home, and although this seems to be the wish of the majority of Canadians, it is not always possible for many reasons. There is a palliative care unit in each of our regional hospitals and planning continues for local hospice care. Emotional and practical support is available in the community for those who choose to live at home until they die, and for those who care for them. I still remember a peaceful paddleboat ride with Andrew in Harrison Park, knowing that Stella from Home Care was gently brushing my mother’s hair and bathing her at home.

While ideas about dying and death are entirely individual, my experience is that older people are more accepting of the thought than their children my age. In their lives they have seen classmates die of childhood illnesses, known neighbour women who did not survive childbirth, and stood at memorial services for brothers and friends who never returned from the war. Especially in rural areas, many have attended a dying person at home, or helped with the laying out of a body.

These early experiences were no less painful than deaths of friends and family have ever been, but they were part of the rhythm of life. Now the expectation seems to be that everyone will live their three score years and 10, and more. For some, anything less is a failure of medicine or a crisis of faith. I have known people who have had no close contact with death until their adulthood. Our front doors no longer allow caskets through, so instead of receiving those paying respects at home, we have created parlours across town. Funerals are often held in chapels reminiscent of worship spaces but not identifiable with any one tradition.

Much as it is a wonderful thing that in one or two generations we have overcome so many previously fatal human challenges, it has been difficult for us to adapt our thinking and culture as quickly. In response, supportive officiants, clergy and funeral directors are helping people understand death in the context of life and providing alternative memorials and services that fit the diverse sensibilities of our community.

Speaking personally, I always assumed I’d be cremated and tucked in alongside a family member. Then I learned that the fuel used to reduce my body to ash could deliver my Good Food Box produce to Owen Sound for more than a year, not to mention the greenhouse gases I’d create. Adding to the million-plus tonnes of embalming chemicals and rare woods buried every year in North America didn’t appeal either, and the last thing I want is someone spraying Roundup on my grave. So the idea of returning to the soil to nourish wildflowers and berries in a woodland struck a very resonant chord with me. I’ve become a member of the Natural Burial Co-operative, and I hope one day when the trilliums open my grandchildren will be visiting a beautiful wood of which I will be a part.

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In the spirit of “While we live, let us live” OSCVI students invite you to a spaghetti dinner with live music tonight at the school at 6 p.m., in support of the Salvation Army Family Services.

Anne Finlay-Stewart is a public relations consultant and community activist in Owen Sound.